Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize