For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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