non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
