we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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