Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
