He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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