Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize