Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize