I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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