I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize