i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
