Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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