we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
