I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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