I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
where are my eyebrows?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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