What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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