woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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