It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
