So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
