I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
