So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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