He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
