remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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