The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
