I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
