Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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