I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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