woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
