My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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