so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
