No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
