Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
