Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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