He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
