weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
