It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize