That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
