As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
