I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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