Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
