i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
