this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
