Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
