I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
