He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize