You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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