I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
