Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
