The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Randomize
