I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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