So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
