Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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