Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
