he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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