hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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