She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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