i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
