we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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