It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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