But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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