my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
