i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
