i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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