When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
