I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
