don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't think brook has ever known best
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
