I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
