I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
