We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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