At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
